By Pastor Okokon Ating
Under the subject matter of adjustment, here stands another challenge which most newly married couples are unable to overcome. This challenge is called Human ego. It is divided into two parts: ‘Men and Woman ego’.
The Dictionary meaning of the word ego is: ‘Having a sense of your own value and importance’. Yes, there are many men and woman who want others to see how valuable they are than others. Such people see things from their own perspective alone. They are selfish in that, it is difficult for them to bow to other people’s opinions.
Sometimes they can be-come authoritative in na-ture. Pride overshadows them hence they are ‘Mr. know it all’.
Most men see the opposite sex as the under-dogs who ought not to have any say particularly when it comes to the issue of husband and wife. The issue of leadership in the family raises the level of pride among some men while the issue of wealth in the family also raises pride among some women—hence, the equality in status and the competition of who should obey who first. Biblically, women know this fact that men are the head of every home and any other person should be subjected to the man as unto the Lord.
I met a man who thought he could subdue his wife by force by putting it to his wife that he is the head of the family. He preached the slang as the gospel until one day the wife called him and said, yes, you are the head but without me you can’t have peace in the home.
He thought the wife was joking until negative react-ions came from the wife, then he knew that preaching to be the head is not the key to peaceful marriage alone but allowing your spouse to recognize and value the headship.
Today, that marriage is in shambles because both could not adjust to one another. They saw them-selves with their wealth, education and decision as being the paramount than the peace they should have derived as husband and wife.
It was unbelievable, when I met a man who told me that it took him 30 years of marriage before he could see his wife as a partner. He said all the while, he has seen his very legal wife as another person entirely. The wife was living in fear—no intimacy and know know-ledge shared between each other. The man said he only saw himself as one who was capable of doing every thing, the wife is just a cook, children-producing machine, and the person that does other domestic activities. The testimony confirmed that it took the man 30 years before he could adjust himself and that was the beginning of their happiness in the marriage.
It is a challenge which needs to be tackled serious-ly and ejected quickly. It is one of the little foxes that eats the vine. I tell you the truth, a woman or man who is from a family without shock absorber would not take nor condole it and the end can be disastrous. People who find themselves in this menace can read just for the sake of peace and conformity in the marriage. I do not advocate for mana-gement in such a situation but prayers and ADJUST-MENT.
I will like to conclude this chapter by pointing to one other factor couples need to adjust to: ISOLATION. Isolation is defined as dis-association from one ano-ther in various angles. It could be isolation from the same bed, room, dinning table, communication, tra-veling to a distant place together, it may also entail keeping late in the office while your spouse is alone at alone, etc.
The Bible says, “when a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken” (Deuteronomy 24:5). The idea of isolation is a serious threat to newly married couple hence they need to safeguard themselves with-in this scope of time lest they regret. It may seem un-believable to some people that it is not done neither is it easy for newly married couple to be isolated from each other. Of course there are people who value their businesses, offices and profession more than spend-ing time with their spouse at home which doesn’t mean they don’t love their spouses.
Conclusively, we can’t put away the word ADJUST-MENT from marriages. The period of adjustment is the period of learning and amending for the coming generation.
If you fail to adjust in your marriage, a time will come when things will become uncontrollable and it may be disastrous both to you and your gen-eration yet unborn. My prayer is that God will step into all marriages in Jesus Name, Amen. God bless you.